You have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. Many parents fail to realize this. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . My Parents Don't Like my Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend), High Pressure for High Grades Leads to High Kids, Effective Ways to Talk to Your Kids so They will Listen, Boosting Your Child's Performance: Encouraging Self-Motivation, Why You Need To Sleep On It: Sleep Helps Your Brain Consolidate New Memories, Why Kids Don't Tell Their Parents They Are Being Bullied, And How To Spot The Signs. I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. head wounds ! Since I was 20, I've been living with my grandmother who has Alzheimers. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. The violence at home had gotten so extreme I'd vomit before class so my stomach would be in less knots. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? Help! He's Spanish and Mexican. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. I believe in you and I don't even know you! Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. I don't know what's wrong with me. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. She went and sulked on me for days. God forbid that they should make mistakes. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. How should I react here? All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. No I don't! While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. Friends need to settle their own problems. I too had only my dog (& my grandma 4,000 miles away) who loved me.My "dad" was narcissist; and mentally, emotionally, & psychologically abusive.My "mom" was physically anusive to me. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. Then I was expected to babysit my siblings and cousins full-time. Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. But nope not to them. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." The only time my boyfriend takes care of the baby is for me to take a shower. WHat should I do? Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. A family counselling session is needed. I already told God and I know he's already helping me. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com . My mom is not as bad as my dad. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. I got to see them again after a month. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. 1 Reply More posts from r/SuicideWatch 394K subscribers No_Investigator_7700 7 days ago Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. They're gonna be more successful than me. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. He exemplifies the immature parent. Everybody got mad at me so I quit the team. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? Avoid them! The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. There are either low cost or free counselling services. He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. So I was destined to be a servant. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Im sick and tired. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. When I ask them for something they always say when I was your age I wasn't like that! Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. It started with the lion share of chores. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. The problem is that this approach doesn't turn your children into lifelong learners. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. It was how my mom and dad were raised. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. Does she think we're stupid and don't know anything!" What should I do? I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. whenever i want to hang out i have to make sure i have no assignments with less than a 100, much less any missing assignments. I've tried reaching out to people for help. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. Seek counselling so you can heal. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. kindergarten girlfriends. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). Really I'd put my soul in it. That means they care about you. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. He obviously loves you. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. Guess! I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. I thought they were going to kill me. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. They don't even care and they yell at me, telling me that i'm being dramatic, calling the scars on my arm "stupid", and telling me to my face, "If you commit suicide, we wont attend your funeral because we would be too embarrassed to have such a stupid & useless daughter." Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. An hour is a pretty short time. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. I'm just frustrated. Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. somebody on the internet on July 04, 2018: I'm glad I'm not the only person who's going through this. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. He should have taken this up with his wife! An extremely conscientious A student of average ability may have to study all night to obtain those A's while a C student of above-average ability may be bored with school and have a more relaxed attitude towards their studies. Answer: Maybe you feel responsible for your sibling. They feel that if their children are just like them, everything will be harmonious and stress-free. I can't even have a sleepover. Not only will your parents be pleased, but youll feel good about it too. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? Enter to win here! Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) i even developed anger issues and the second eldest also did too. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! i have no time to relax. I never had much mentors in my life, my parents weren't much of the type to look up to. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. Treated me very well and gave me lots. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2018: Your parents shouldn't ground you but get you academic assistance until your grade improves. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. They are toxic, even evil. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. Parents try to discipline children for their own good. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 14, 2018: DON'T KILL yourself. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Both my parents are like this. But remember that they care about your education because they care about you and your future. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. At least that what my family says. Then I am constantly reminded how "Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are in college. Might it help if you got a math tutor? To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. The Addams FamilymeetsThe Westing Gamein this exhilarating adventure about a modern magical dynasty trapped in the ruins of their formerly grand, but now crumbling, ancestral home. Answer: Your mother wants the best for you. they are the only things i would care for. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. Please talk to a trusted relative. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. 1. I don't believe in retiring from a passion. scars on my Back ! They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. I'm 34 and have literally just developed a sense of real control over my thoughts and feelings, to help guide myself from this point onwards. Mom keeps restricting me, nagging me if she doesn't satisfied with everything I did. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? I just want her to hug me and say that she will be there for me no matter what but I know she won't because she would've said it by now. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 24, 2020: Speak to your mother & if she refuses to listen, you should speak to another relative or a school counselor. I'm so shy but I refuse to blame my parents because they thought they were helping me. Not to even mention my life outside work. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. Disassociate from such toxic parents. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. There are many ways a parent can help improve their child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Never picking the right man? and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . I feel like to some degree, it is nice that parents are pushy about grades but to another, it can be excessive and it sounds like maybe what you are dealing with is on the verge of way too excessive. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. When she found out of course, she sent me to a therapist who didnt even help. WOW!! When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. To order Carol's newest book,Speed of Life, clickhere. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. Answer: It is called denial. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. What can I do? One day, you'll understand. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. Often, the comparison does the opposite. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. Also, disassociate from your family. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. Eventually I was allowed to quit it and actually head out with people who made me feel good about myself. I then became a parent while my mom went out partying and drinking. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! I've seen a few therapist and a psychologist by my own free will trying to get better. What iconic squad matches you and your besties? they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. Parents refuse to acknowledge how insidious comparing children are for many children are emotionally, psychologically, & even psychically damaged by comparing them to other children. For example, like going to school. that saounds toxic. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. You can't learn if you don't try. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! Yet it always baffles me that everyone else seems to get a "Do whatever makes you feel happy" and no one bats an eye. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. (My parents make me feel dumb.). Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. Truth. Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Pretty damn poor family. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Don't stay w/toxic family members who don't respect/love you. They often attempt to gear their children into "more realistic" careers and aspirations, ones that are "workable" and "secure." Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. im in high school, i have all a's and one b. they act like its the end of the fucking world whenever i get anything less than a 100%, and i cant stand it anymore. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. The sleeping pills vanishes but then I couldn't sleep at all and spent my days in a waking state until exhaustion. No one to turn to. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! I having suicidal thoughts many days,I tried to suicide but I still failed,I don't know I am worthless and meaningless or important for their life.They made careers for me that Engineer,But I want to be game developer.I never get praise,I am 23 Years Old Now.I want to kill myself and I can't face the stress anymore! This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Question: Why do my parents always compare me to my sister? It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. Any responsibilities they didn't want fell on me. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! It's a lot. They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. This man & his family are toxic. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. This all rings so true. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! I get a 96 she gets mad at me. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. Reinforce positive behavior and lift your child up when they do something well. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. Suicide My grandparents adopted me when I was younger.
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